Holla Back Youngin

So I think I am going to take a hiatus from blogging. Why you ask. Because, I don't really have anything up beat to say, and as of lately I only talk about how shitty I have been doing which gets depressing even for me and I'm the one writing about it. When ever I have something positive to say I'll let you all know. But for now I need to deal with my shit. Deal with this anger that I can feel bubbling to the top.

Peace Out

If Only It Were True

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

Week in Review

This has been a very busy week for me. I got my new phone the Moto Q. I am still figuring out everything it can do, but so far it was worth the money. I got rid of my house phone since I never used it anymore and my cell meets all of my needs. Also this way I save some money. It wasn't until earlier today that I realised who I made my last phone call on my house phone to. Hmm, I won't think too much about that.

I went to Barrie and saw this band play. They were really good. It was sort of weird to see guys I went to high school with have an album out. I always find it interesting how kids in other towns dress. Apparently the boys in Barrie dress a little on the feminine side. They all have the skinny jeans on. The jeans were so tight that I kept thinking to myself don't there nuts hurt. One thing that is for sure is that I won't be rushing back to Barrie anytime soon. But it was good times over all.

Tomorrow is the big bashment (well I guess technically today). I can't wait. Having good friends that always remember you always make things better. So to KB and Miss Puff Puff Pass, thanks for the good times, even when I felt like shit and just wanted to sit in my apartment , in my pj's and watch movies all days. You guys made me feel better and put a smile on my face even if you didn't know it. So thanks again.

Sleepless Nights

I haven't had a good nights rest in almost a month. Even last night I didn't go to bed until almost 2. The weird part about it all is that the later I go to bed the earlier I get up. I've tried going to bed at 11. But when morning comes I end up getting up late. It makes no sense to me. For a long time now I've gotten myself on somewhat of a schedule where I go to bed between 11 and 11:30. 12 at the latest. Now it doesn't matter what time I go to bed I still feel like I haven't slept at all. I have kept up with the no napping after work surprisingly. I think the problem is that I think too much right when I get into bed. I think about my life, what I need to do for the week, etc. I think the other problem is that I was so used to having a certain routine before going to bed, that now that it has changed it's messing me up.

I was telling my friend today about all this and he asked if I drank coffee before bed, and I told him I don't drink coffee at all. He jokingly said that I should drink it before bed. It might have the opposite effect on me and put me to sleep.

One thing is for sure, and that is I need to get some rest.

Breakups

Like my friend said the other day, breakups are hard. Some days are a little better than others. I know the whole life goes on, blah, blah, blah. But it doesn't make it an easier. I still wonder what he's doing, or what he's up to. Or I see something funny on t.v. (ie. ANTM-Tyra doing the black girl patting of her head) and wonder did he see it. Or have you been watching College Hill and don't you think Willie (dude with the fro) reminds you of your brother. Or when 10:30 -11:00 comes around and I look at the phone then I have to remind myself the phone is not going to ring.

I just don't know.........................

Short and Sweet

Tomorrow is Friday. Woo hoo! This week went by pretty fast. Last weekend was a lot of fun even if it did call me out as a lightweight. But hey what can I do. Hopefully I'll end up doing something again this weekend.

Is it just me or is everyone having problems sleeping since daylight saving time kicked in?

Who The Heck Is This Paging Me at 5:46 in The Morning

One more day and it's the weekend. I can't wait. This has been a really long week.

Yesterday made it a week. Has anything changed for me? Not a damn thing. I still feel like shit, cry when I stop and think about everything for too long and in depth. Not that it's not always floating just below the surface.

P.S. Hey back
Why does it have to be me?
What is there to explain?(to be blunt you lead me on and broke my heart not once but twice).

Movie Review

Last weekend I went and saw Breach. I thought it wouldn't be too bad, based on the fact it's about FBI agents. You would think FBI some sort of action. Right? No. This was a whole lot of talking, with next to no action. The only really good thing I can say about the movie was the acting done by Chris Cooper who plays Robert Hansen in the movie, and that the movie is based on a true story which always grabs my attention.
So please people do yourself a favour and save your money for something more worthwhile.

I Wonder

I wonder who will be the first to break. To reach out to the other person and just say hey, or can we talk. I wonder if that's even possible or wanted. I wonder why last night was harder than the previous nights. I wonder if I will grow accustom to not hearing anyone tell me goodnight anymore.
I wonder why I didn't just write about my weekend like I intended to do.

I promise to write something more up beat next time.

I

I have learned that crying at work is not a good idea.
I have learned that I am truly all alone now.
I have learned that things don't always work out for the best (that's a load of crap)
I have learned that KB is the greatest BFF(I love you girl.Too bad we aren't lesbians :)
I have learned that my dreams of getting married and having kids is fading more and more as each day goes by.
I have learned that feeling numb to everything really isn't so bad compared to the alternative.
I am glad I am not an alcoholic like my Father, because if I were I would have hit the bottle hard these past few days(but if I had some weed I would have dusted off the old home made bong and given my lungs a workout)
I have no idea of what to do next.
I am glad KB told me not to send the card(you were right it was a bad idea.Oh and that wasn't the worst of my ideas either)
I wonder why things can't be easy for me.
I wonder why I like the movie Win A Date with Tad Hamilton
(maybe because, in the end the boy gets his girls.cheesy yes I know)
I need to stop listening to Throw Some D's and Lost without you so much
I wish I wasn't feeling so lonely and a lone so much ( is that not the same thing?)
I need a hug.

Sorry for the depressing post. I should go to bed now. Night all.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM BRAMPTON WHEN...

1. you can speak/understand several languages native to the asian continent.

2. you can curse effectively in at least 5 languages.

3. you go to Shoppers' World or Bramalea and you see almost everyone you've ever known, REUNION!

4. you've seen an authentic Indian dance as part of a highschool talent show (which was either followed by a rap battle, or another Indian dance).

5. you see more people wearing turbans than baseball caps.

6. you've been to Sonny's at least once, and even though they may have told you they don't take debit, you know they really do.

7. you've played pool at the Wizard's Castle

8. you always smell (like) curry.

9. you've referred to your school as "the ghetto".

10. you've given up on ever seeing a white pizza delivery man.

11. you purposely call Atlas Taxis in order to get the only white driver in the GTA.

12. you have friends from ethnic orgins/religious backgrounds that most other Canadians didn't know existed.

13. you recognize Cricket to be Brampton's official sport.

14. you eat at the Mandarin for every major occasion.

15. you've celebrated at least one birthday at Laser Quest, Discovery Zone and/or the McDonalds one Main St. (or maybe even the legit one in Georgetown if you were a high roller).

16. you're white, yet you still know how to rap, freestyle or beat-box.

17. you know not to go down Main Street when a soccer team wins - mainly Portugal, Italy or England.

18. you thought Gage Park was the place to be winter time, the ice donut, nuff said.

19. you thought the Century Gardens waterslide or the Balmoral Rope was the ultimate entertainment.

20. you go away to university and naturally make friends with all the brown people.

21. you've raced a GT down Major Oaks at least once.

22. you are used to waiting in that HUGE line at the Dairy Queen on Queen Street in the summer.

23. 14 year-old 'gangsters' have tried to fight you at Silver City before being picked up by their parents after the 6:10 show. (Shiiiiit, that ain't gangsta)

24. you refer to Brampton as 'Bramrock', "B-Dot", 'B-Town', 'Bramladesh', 'Browntown' or 'Singhdale'.

25. you've almost been shot or stabbed at a Crack Time (Coffee Time).

26. all of the fields that you remember as a kid are now sub-divisions.

27. you swell up with pride every time you see the 'All Roads Lead to Brampton" sign at the airport!

28. you've been to at least one Canada Day fireworks at Ching.

29. you remember when they built the Wal-Mart on Bovaird.

30. you've bought and/or sold samosas at a school event.

31. you know that the 80km limit on Bovaird is a tease, because when it isn't covered in snow it's definitely covered in construction. (Always has been, always will be.)

32. you can't resist giving a loud shout-out to Brampton every time Russell Peters is mentioned (even though he sold out and is living in California now).

33. you complain constantly that Brampton is so boring, but when some jackass from Mississauga (etc.) says the same thing, you're the first person to pont out its gangsta qualities.

34. you shiver with fear when you pass the cult-esque church on Kennedy.

35. you remember when Gateway 6, Centennial and 410 & 7 were THE illest theatres to watch movies at.

36. you know that Brampton is known as the 'Flower City', but you have NO idea why (unless you check Wikipedia).

37. at least half of your highschool worked at the closest grocery store (usually a Food Basics or a No Frills).

38. you've been swimming in either Heart Lake or Professors Lake, and you know ALL about the jeep, the crane, and all the other spooky stuff at the bottom.

39. you remember how BCC and Shoppers' USED to look.

40. you have at least one Sandy Kennedy note-pad in your house.

41. you thought the pile of sand at Professors Lake was a real 'beach'.

42. a cricket bat has been used as a weapon in a fight at your school.

43. you no longer think it's even remotely funny/unusual to see a congregation of barefoot Indians sitting in a circle at a local park.

44. you've been a Bramjammer, a leader, or at the very least know what they are.

45. you've worked for the City - either at a pimpin' Parks job, or a slave-labour Recs job.

46. you know how to pronounce (and maybe even spell) the word 'Chinguacousy'.

47. you've considered converting religions so that you too can carry around a ceremonial dagger, and when you know that dagger is in fact called a kirpan. (You also know that it isn't worth the hassle, since the poor guys aren't even supposed to use them.)

48. you've seen an old Indian man on a bike ride the length of Kennedy Road with perfect posture and the kickstand down.

49. you've seen a turban shaped swimming cap at National Sports.

50. your highschool didn't have a football team (or if it did, it sucked, and nobody cared) but it sure had Cricket Teams A, B, C, D & E.

51. you know that Ching is really a pile of trash covered in dirt, but you don't really care, because it's Brampton's only ski hill!

52. you feel like you live in an exotic city because you vividly remember the saga of the Professor's Lake piranah.

53. you're out of town, and you've debated whether or not to just say 'Toronto' when people ask you where you're from, but you always settle for 'just outside of Toronto'.

54. you know not to go anywhere NEAR the Brampton Mall after sunset. Unless, of course, you are ballsy enough to be going to Crystal Bowl, the only alley in Canada where you can rent shoes and buy crack from the same person.

55. you've ever made the task of choosing teams easier by declaring 'brown against white'. (Of course, the white team always ends up with a few brown guys to keep the numbers even.)

56. the brown people are legit enough to keep giving the white people even better Brampton stereotypes because they know it's all in good fun.

57. your local newspaper has a price printed on it, but you know they aren't fooling anyone cuz that bitch is FREE (and you'd rather get the Pennysaver anyways).

58. you know that the Howard Johnson on Queen & Kennedy isn't fooling anyone either, because it IS and will ALWAYS be the Rosetown Inn, no matter how many times they clean up the blood and change the sign.

59. your middle school collectively went to, and fought, another middle school.

60. you remember spending Friday nights ice skating at Ken Giles before they turned it into an indoor soccer field (which, for the record, is pretty legit).

61. you've attended at least ONE Loafers Lake dance.

62. you know at least five people people with each of the following name suffixes: 'inder', 'deep', 'jit' and 'jot'...and NONE of them have accents.

63. you know that the Major Oaks parking lot at night is a better place to get stabbed than to get laid... but you go there anyways.

64. even the snow is brown

65. you have no interest in strip clubs anymore because the only one that comes to mind is the Shield and Sword on Queen St., which makes you want to put on a sweater.

66. you know about, and have probably experienced, Purple City.

67. you yourself, or at least one friend or relative has worked/works at the Chrysler Plant.

68. your principal calls down students with last names beginning with 'S' on picture day, and you feel the ground shake as 80% of the school stands up.

69. you know that the parking lot at Trinity Common will be as chaotic as a yard sale in Springdale.

70. you left home for university, and you're the brownest person on campus.

71. you know that it's Queen St. and Main St., not Hwy 7 and Hwy 10.

72. you don't really know what Chan's serves as meat, but it's cheap and there are Chinese people there, so it's good enough for you.

73. you pull up to a light between two cars and one has 11 guys in it blasting bhangra, and the other is a '94 Civic pumping beatz (yes, beatz).

74. you don't have to look up how to spell (or the definition of) 'bhangra'.

75. you have neighbours that cook, hang out and/or LIVE in the garage of the house next door.

76. you've ever done a night mission to Eldorado or White Spruce Park.

77. there are more places to buy Indian food than fast food joints combined (but it doesn't matter because they all serve veggie patties anyways).

78. you remember when the Chinese mall at Kennedy & Clarence used to have a Chucky Cheese (and you miss it).

79. you're embaressed at the ghetto-ness of Club Downtown, Brampton's premiere 'night club' (but you go anyways).

80. you remember the location of at least one Brampton K-Mart (Queen & 410, Shoppers' World, etc.) especially the one at Main & Vodden which became Towers, then a Zellers, and now, more famously, Raxx.

81. you've been to the old jail downtown (the Heritage Complex) as a kid and were freaked out by the creepy guy in the cell.

82. you have been to at least one Brampton Santa Claus Parade (and you knew someone in it).

83. you know about Carabram, and yes, you've had a passport (and you yes, you may even have gotten hammered there).

84. you are stopped and seached, seemingly without reason, by Peel's finest, only to find that one of your friends has and oz on him (and the thing that you are maddest about, is that he was holding out).

85. you have learned to live with the *eye-roll* and *sigh* that come right after you tell anyone you're from Brampton ("Ohhh, you're from Brampton...")

86. you've taken the hour-long bus ride from City Centre to Finch station on the #77.

87. you remember swimming, bike riding and playing man-hunt in the gravel pit, long before they sold the 'Lakelands' for $260,000 a piece.

88. you've almost lost your life at a Mac's, a Becker's or a Hasty Market.

89. you actually look forward to going to Jack's Backyard and Raxx, since you know that's the best Brampton's got to offer.

90. you remember the Jumbo Video that used to be beside Toys R Us, but you know why it's gone, since nobody ever rented movies there, just took the free popcorn.

91. there was only one white guy in 12U Calculus, and only one brown guy in 12U English.

92. you know that all the big movie theatres play Bollywood movies (and you can even pronounce the titles).

93. everybody knows exactly why there are fireworks in November.

94. you have never, EVER called Peel Memorial the 'William Osler Health Centre' (and you never will).

95. you've heard the story of why Central Peel doesn't have a football team at least a million times (and heard at least a million different versions).

96. hair braiding and dominoes were the most popular activities in you highschool cafeteria (eating was a distant third).

97. you will admit that the new transit buses look up to the task, but still know it's quicker to walk to wherever you're going.

98. your highschool wasn't so big on Christmas, but you had some kick-ass Diwali & Eid celebrations!

99. you've seen people haggle over prices everywhere from flea markets to department stores.

100. you, or at least someone you know, took driving lessons at Ultimate Drivers and were taught by the infamous Tony.