What a Night

This weekend has been something different. On the way home from work, the bus driver stopped the bus and asked this guy what he was drinking. Now let me tell you when the guy opened his "drink" it was a lot louder than a pop can. The guy finally admitted to drinking bear. If you saw the can you would know that there was no way the driver would believe he was drinking a coke. The things that happen late at night I tell you. Yesterday I stayed up until 5 talking with the Boy. Not really going to say anything more at the moment except it was eye opening and nice at the same time. Here are some pictures I took today while walking to the grocery store. Tell me what you think.

I'm Going Down

After my talk with the Boy last night, it got me thinking about how I act. Do I treat him differently and if not should I? Do I act like nothing has changed? I wonder what he's been thinking and feeling about all of this. Maybe he knows too much about how I feel. All of this has got me rethinking my plan. And is it wrong for me to still think about kissing him? Hmmm

Certain things have not been said. Which makes me feel isolated and alone. As if I'm out there on a ledge looking down.

I need some time to get away.

My Hump

I haven't been up to too much lately. Went over to Jer's house on Friday. That was fun and relaxing. It was weird to hear him talk about KB and how much he loves her. I felt awkward just sitting there and nodding my head every once in a while. I wonder what makes him think he has a chance. Why after 8 and 1/2 years does he still think he is in the running? After we went to the bar, which was insanely packed. I got carded and bought a drink. Big Matt was there, and boy can he get on my nerves and talk some shit. I use the word talk loosely since he's heavy on the swearing. I felt bad for the girl he was with. She said you have to get use to it and his ways.

Today I had an interesting conversation with this chick that I talk to from time to time. She brought up the point that black people that hang around mostly white people, tend to dislike black people and anything associated with them. Personally I think it's a combination of things that causes this to happen. Everyone wants to feel like part of the group and not stick out. You may not have had that strong cultural influence from your family while growing up. Not accepting of who you are. For me, I have never tried to be anything other than myself. My friends who are white accept me for the light skinned person that I am. Not that skin colour should matter when it comes to picking your friends.

It's weird how some people react to knowing that me and the Boy are no longer together. Just because, I no longer have a boyfriend does not mean it's open season on my pussy. One guy asked if I wanted to join him and his girl. Can we say AH NO. I'm not looking for no dick, boyfriend, or "special " friend. I know what it's like to have sex with someone you care about. I just hope I can have that again someday.

Tears Keep Falling

Will there come a time when I can talk to him on the phone and not cry?

Girls Night

Intermission

This is just a slight blurb. Maybe I'll write more tomorrow. What's been going on in my world is as follows.

1. Girls night should happen more often
2. Tequilla is my new best friend
3. It is possible to go to bed drunk and wake up still drunk.
4. Finally got my "friend"
5. Found a couch for under $200.
6. Still wanna have kids that have his last name.(ain't that some shit)
   
7. I'm hating love songs and talk of V-Day
8. I love reading RuPauls page
9. Cut my hair
   
10. Where was I that day they taught everyone how to spell?
    
11. Still looking to add more songs to my mp3 player(any suggestions)
    
12. I think I need to loose weight
    
13. I miss him sooooooo much.

The End

It's over. I'm still trying to figure out my feelings. Actually I think I'm trying to avoid feeling anything, that way I won't cry. Which after last night, is unavoidable; I guess. Some people have given me little pep talks. Not my good friends(ie KB), but people I just know and hang out with from time to time. I sort of just nod and smile until they finish talking. While all the time I just wanna say shut up. If I wanna be resentful, angry, sad, or drink my pain away that's my choice. If I choose to plot his death or slit my wrist that's my choice. There's no right or wrong way to deal with a break up.