Another morning where I wake up and I have things on my mind, already. I think maybe it would be better if I stayed away. Tired of feeling like I only get remembered by default. Tried to share the other day, but it was falling on deaf ears. I think it's hard to share good things when your faced with hearing a sad and difficult current life story. Was hoping to do something this weekend, but that seems to be a difficult question. If I suddenly stopped initiating contact, would it be noticed or even matter. We'll soon see.

Some Lovely Quotes

"You.....complete me."- Tom Cruise, Jerry Maguire

"You're a swell dish, I think I'm gonna go for you."-James Cagney, Public Enemy

"You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."-Clark Gable, Gone with the Wind

"I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her."-Julia Roberts, Notting Hill

"It seems right now that all I've ever done in my life is making my way here to you."- Clint Eastwood, The Bridges of Madison County

Love

Love can be good or bad. Love can be easy or complicated. Is love really all you need? Will it make everything better?

Round and Round

I'm not sure what to do. My feelings change from one day to the next. One thing I do know is that I shouldn't make a decision based on anger and hurt. It was weird realizing that I am no longer special. I'm just like everyone else in the shuffle. That was not easy for me to come to terms with. Not even sure I really have. I think I have changed. Some people agree and others disagree. I think I need a deadline before all of this makes me ill. I need to retain some sort of dignity and self respect in the end. A lot of it comes down to me feeling good about myself, and right now I feel like crap. But me feeling like crap is based on others treatment of me, which make me think I have some serious issues here.

I'm off to work. If I can make it throughout the week at work and not shoot anyone I would be deserving of a medal.

The Pain

In the words of Biggie Smalls: Fuck the world, don't ask me for shit.

Fun Times

Friday night was boring as hell. I wanted to do something, anything really as long as I left the house. I called my friend, but he just wanted to stay home with his bootleg movies. And besides he usually ends up saying something that gets on my nerves.

Saturday I went out with my friend Ashley. We wanted to go to the movies, but ended up at a Thai restaurant. The food was okay, I've had better. The place is in Brampton so how much can you expect, right. It was nice just to hang out and shoot the shit. We talked about her one minute boyfriend and it made me wonder, how come some guys last longer than others?. What is the one minute man doing differently from the twenty minute man?

Sunday the Boy came over. We watched t.v., had dinner, and cracked a couple of jokes. I don't know what it is but at times I get so shy around him. I feel like I'm 15, and talking to a guy for the first time. My palms are sweaty, and I can't form a complete sentence. I'm trying to go with the flow, and hope for the best. Life and love is not easy. Not easy at all.

Hmmmm

Yesterday evening my friend and I took a drive around the city. It was fun doing something so simple. We happened to drive by my work place and I was surprised to see a couple of cars there. They were the two cars of the people that everyone in the office thinks they are having an affair. It made me ask myself, if you were having an affair wouldn't you go somewhere else like a motel, and wouldn't you park your cars in the back. Sure the odds of anyone who knows you of driving by are slim, but why take the chance. But then again why take the chance of having an affair and getting caught in the first place.

On another note, I had a dream about him. It wasn't anything sexual ( get your minds out of the gutter people) it was just us cuddling and talking. What does this mean? Who the hell knows. Your guess is as good as mine.

Happy New Year

I went to my friends house for a little gathering last night. It was nice just hanging out with some friends. I'm looking forward to a good year, or at least one that wasn't as emotionally draining as last year.