Christmas was alright. I went to my friends house for dinner. I wasn't really into the whole Christmas celebration this year. I was just hoping to make it throught the day unscratched. I managed to do it, but it got me thinking about the new year and what I want to accomplish. What sort of things can I do to make my life, and myself better and happier. As for New Year's itself, I was hoping to ring in 2006 with that special someone but that's not happening. If I'm lucky I won't be home when the clock strikes 12.

Impressions

The other day while on my way home, I ran into someone who recognized me. I've seen him often enough waiting for the bus, and thought to myself he reminds me of someone. I did the whole looking while trying not to get caught staring. Since I'm not the type of person to go up to someone I don't know I just let it go. It was weird when he asked me if I went to Sheridan and knew my name. We only had one class together which was in my first year. He even remembered who I sat with. He commented on how surprised he was at himself that he remembered my name since he is terrible at names. We talked about school, finding a job, and where we both work ( he works the street over from where I work). All of this made me think of the impressions we make on people. What is it that makes someone stand out more in your mind than the next person?. It really is a small world out there.

The Holidays

I've been thinking a lot about the holidays. Not about who's present I still have to get, or wrap. But rather about being a lone. I'm starting to understand how the holidays can be very depressing if you have no one to share it with. I was hoping to get an invite from the Boy, but that seems wrong for so many different reasons. Luckily I got an e-mail from my girl today, inviting me for Christmas dinner. It's nice to know that there is someone out there who has my back.
As for me and the Boy. Things are okay. Were still taking our time and seeing where things end up. It's hard at times trying to be respectful of him, and doing what I want. What I want is to be with him, be able to hug and kiss him, to say the words I love you. But you don't always get your hearts desire. Will I get what I want or am I just prolonging the inevitable?

Questions

1) Why do I have so few friends?
2) Why am I second guessing myself?
3) Why am I surprised that everything I have to say may not have an audience?
4) Why is the loneliness hitting me so hard?
5) Will I make it through the holidays and not break down?
6) How can my life be so routine and hard at the same time?
7) Why do I still expect a shoulder to cry on, from him?
8) Do people take vacations by themselves?

Talking is Good for the Soul

So we had our talk. There was no definite answer one way or the other. It was therapeutic to get some things off my chest. I was surprised at the lack of awkwardness. It's still hard though.
We have been talking a lot since the month has ended. It's nice having someone to talk to again. I've missed it. The Boy came over on Friday. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be to just keep my hands to myself. I don't know why I thought it would be so easy. I enjoyed myself and the company and hope we can do it again. I'm glad he doesn't regret the kiss, because afterwards I was starting to feel bad about it. Wondering if I went too far. We talk about sex, but I wonder should we be talking about it. Is it my brain that is having the conversation or just my horniness. I'm okay as long as I don't think about sex. But then you have to wonder will sex cause more problems or help. I just try to take it all in stride, and work on my over analyzing of things.

Intermission

I'm still gathering my thoughts. For now I will say that Family Guy is funny as hell.