Tic Toc

The month is almost up. I don't know what to think or expect. I guess I am hoping for some sort of resolution. Whether it will be a good or bad one, remains to be seen. This has been a very difficult month. I've over analyzed or taken every little thing to heart. But that is to be expected in this situation. I've been punked, and there's nothing I can do about it. I am not the one holding all the cards.

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

I had a good weekend. Hanged out with my friends. Got mad drunk and high. It was nice to have fun, laugh and not think about anything. I even roped in a victim to put up my drapes. I'm just trying to get my shit together. Live life and make an attempt at being somewhat content. Happiness seems so unattainable, right now.

Thanks for leaving a msg on my last post KB.

Yesterday Is Gone

I got my fix the other day. I hear his voice and I just melt and think of yesterdays. The days that held stolen kisses and spending Sundays in bed watching t.v. I'm only okay if I am prepared, if not then I just feel like crying. My heart is too open, and it hurts too much to think about it sometimes. I'm not even sure if I am entirely dealing with this new non relationship. In the back of my head I believe this is all just a bad dream. As if I can just click my heels two times and say there's no place like home. There's no place like home.

Today was a crappy day. Work was beyond busy and stress filled. On the way home I ran into HIM. Saying it was awkward would be a great understatement. It breaks my heart that after three years I can't even be looked at in the eye. What is a girl to do, besides cry.

Another Day Another Struggle

I have finally bought a computers. The only problem is that I have all this spyware and the sound doesn't work. I even got myself a desk. I stayed up half the night on Saturday putting it together. Ther's more than one mistake but it was a good way to get out some frustrations.

My world is still fucked. I will be using a call soon. It's sort of like prison, but instead of one call I get two. If I didn't use both would it even go noticed, or even matter? Right now all I know is I still feel like SHIT.

To KB thanks for being there for me. Just remember your Dad is going to be okay, he's active and healthy. Besides he's gona live a long time so he can make sure you don't get knocked up before your married :).

There's A War Going On

I have so much hurt and anger inside of me. My world as I have known it has exploded. I am hopeful that it can be rebuilt. If not then I do not know what will become of me. I have this overwhelming desire to lash out; at others and myself.